the strength to feed
by sinemoras09
Summary: Saya can't choose. Solomon/Saya. Haji/Saya. AU. Angst. Spoilers for episode 46.


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1.

"You must feed to keep up your strength," Solomon said. "Saya. I know you do not wish to-you fear of hurting Haji. But there are two of us now," Solomon said, and he slowly began to loosen the collar to his shirt, "so perhaps it will lessen the burden."

Saya watched; Solomon carefully loosened the knot of his tie, then unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, exposing the side of his neck. She could see the pulsing of his carotid just beneath the skin.

Solomon moved closer, kneeling so that his neck was just at the level of her lips. "Come," Solomon said, and he closed his eyes.

Saya moved. She sniffed his skin suspiciously. He smelled like cologne and aftershave and the merest hint of sweat, and Saya ran her tongue along his jugular, experimentally. Solomon groaned. There was a muted taste of salt, which tasted different than Haji's, but it made her bite down, teeth sinking into his skin.

Solomon made a sound-something between a startled pant and a stifled moan-and the sound made her shiver, despite herself. She nursed on his pulse and Solomon's mouth fell open, his head rolling forward. She pulled him closer, gripping his shoulder for better leverage-he wasn't as tall as Haji, but he was still taller than she was-and soon she was pressing the length of her body against him. He tasted good. She nursed harder and Solomon groaned, louder this time, and to her surprise she felt him grinding against her, an unexpected hardness grinding against her core.

Saya was aroused.

"Solomon." She pushed back. He was breathing hard and so was she, and the two small puncture wounds on his neck started to heal. "We can't," Saya said. Her chest heaved. "Haji..."

But Solomon was still pressed hard against her. "Do you wish me to stop?" he asked, and his voice was breathy. He pressed his pelvis harder, the length of his hardness rubbing her clitoris through her clothes. "Saya?"

Saya shook her head. Solomon smiled, then slowly offered his neck. She bit, and when she did he gripped the sides of her hips and pulled her legs around his waist, leaning her back on the bed. She gasped, blood still on her lips. "Solomon, wait."

He stopped. Saya's face felt hot and the crotch of her panties were drenched. "I can't," Saya said. "Not before Haji."

"Haji?"

"We haven't..." Saya's face burned. "He loves me," Saya said.

"As I love you," Solomon said. He buttoned up his collar, then straightened his tie. Saya couldn't look at him. She stared at the ground, eyes fixed on a crack in the wall, but Solomon moved to meet her gaze.

"I do not mind sharing you with another man," Solomon said. He moved and pressed a soft kiss against her lips. "Though I wish it weren't the case."

"Solomon..." Saya lifted her eyes, but Solomon had already closed the door.

xXx

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That night, Saya had a dream.

She was lying in bed. The window across from her was open; curtains billowed softly with the cool night air.

Haji was kissing her. In her dream, his hand cupped the sides of her face, kissing her deeply before moving to kiss the corners of her eyes. She felt his hands brushing her shoulders, thumbs shifting the straps to her nightgown and slowly peeling away her shirt. Saya gasped, the feel of her bare breasts and Haji's hips against her own making her shake with need.

And then she felt this: the sudden moist, warm touch of his mouth on her clitoris, so real she gasped and opened her eyes.

"Solomon." Saya stared as Solomon quietly kissed her stomach, hands trailing the slope of her thigh and tracing small circles on her skin. "What-"

"I could feel you," Solomon said. He flowed over her body, pushing himself upright and hovering just above her cheek. He pressed a small kiss against the corner of her mouth. "My bride," he said, and kissed her again. She felt his hand dip lower, just barely brushing against her clitoris over the fabric of her nightgown. "I cannot stop touching you," Solomon said, and his voice sent a frisson of pleasure up her spine.

"Solomon. You cannot-" Saya groaned, closing her eyes. "I was trying to sleep."

"Shall I stop?" Solomon's eyes flicked upwards, rubbing his mouth on her skin. "Saya. I know you do not love me," he said, and he closed his mouth over her clitoris, tonguing her through the fabric of her underwear. "But I can at least make you feel good. Saya," he said, and he skimmed off her panties, pulling them down her hips. He dropped a small kiss on the inside of her thigh. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

"No." Saya's voice was dry. Her eyes closed again at the feel of Solomon's mouth over her breast, warm and wet and tongue just barely flicking the tip of her nipple. Her body tensed; she felt him shift attention, shifting back between her legs. His mouth descended. Saya arched her back. "_Oh_." She felt him grip the sides of her hips, mouth on her clit and sucking, lightly. Her hands fell on his temples; she could feel the curls of his hair beneath her fingers as he worked on her.

Her body tensed. She felt the muscles of her thighs clench, hips rocking against his mouth harder and harder until she came, a sunburst of sudden sensation.

_Haji_. Saya's eyes opened to see Solomon moving above her, the head of his erection sliding up against her wetness. Saya closed her eyes again, focusing on the sensation, the feel of his erection on her clitoris as he slid against her body, rocking once before pressing his length inside her.

And then, pain.

Saya took in a sharp breath. Solomon was only partially inside her, shaking with the effort not to thrust too soon.

"You must feed," Solomon said. His voice was strained. "It will hurt less."

"Solomon-"

His hips twitched, making Saya wince. She gripped him by the nape of his neck and pulled herself upright, biting into his skin.

Blood gushed; he thrust hard inside her.

xXx

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2.

She remembered when Solomon first took her; when she found herself alone in his apartment, naked in his bed. He had undressed her while she was unconscious, something which made Haji rage for days.

Now Solomon nuzzled the side of her neck, pressing worshipful kisses against her skin.

Saya stared up at the ceiling; shadows of leaves from the trees outside moved against the wall above her. She could almost see the wind blowing through the trees. Solomon shifted, pulling her close.

"My bride," Solomon said, and he smiled with his eyes. "I love you so much."

Saya said nothing. The sound of a cello drifted through the room, distant and barely audible.

"Solomon," Saya said, and she shifted her weight, facing him. "How did you feel about Diva?"

"Diva?"

The question seemed to throw him. Solomon blinked; Saya could see him struggling to find the words.

"Diva was my queen," Solomon said. "But she was cruel, Saya. She could not love the way you love. The way I love," he said, and he moved to kiss her. Saya turned her head.

"I'm sorry," Saya said. She pulled the sheets tight around her chest, sitting upright. "You did it again," Saya said. She looked back at Solomon, searching his eyes. "You took me against my will."

"I asked you if you wanted to stop," Solomon said. Saya's jaw tightened. She stood, pulling her nightgown over her head and walking over to the window.

"Remember that first night, Solomon?" She traced the glass with the tips of her fingers, looking at the dark streets outside. "You undressed me while I was unconscious. Now you did it again," Saya said, and she turned. "I was still asleep," Saya said.

She tried to read Solomon's face, but she couldn't see his eyes. Quietly he stood, pulling on clothes.

Saya turned again. She could see her reflection on the pane of glass, the ghost of her image overlying the streets below.

"I would die a thousand times over, if only to make you happy," Solomon said. He started to open the door, then turned. "I only wish that you would let me."

"Solomon," Saya said, but Solomon closed the door.

xXx

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She stared out into the window. Outside, she could see the Tokyo skyline blinking in the inky darkness, her reflection wavering slightly as she remembered:

_"Haji," Saya said. "May I have a word?"_

_Haji tilted his head. Slowly, he set down his bow, leaning his cello against the trunk of the tree. "What is it?" Haji asked. She thought of Solomon and held her head in her hands._

_Above her, there were the sounds of birds; sunlight streamed through the canopy of trees and the morning light dappled the ground. "Have you ever thought about it," Saya asked. "Taking me, while I fed on your blood?"_

_The question seemed to startle him. He blinked, trying to find the words._

_"I have not given it a thought," Haji said, finally. "I do not wish to harm you."_

_The leaves rustled. Haji sat heavily beside her, the seat on the bench caving slightly with his weight. A hundred years she had fought beside him, had gone to sleep knowing he would be there when she woke. A hundred years without her; a lifetime alone._

_"Perhaps it is time he takes his leave," Solomon said. Saya turned. Solomon was standing behind them, dressed in black and arms crossed over his chest. "Saya. Forgive me my intrusion; I could not help but notice the look on Haji-nii-san's face. He seems distressed," Solomon said. "As well he should be, as he is our inferior."_

_Haji stood. "Haji," Saya said. Haji stepped between them, glaring._

_"My life is devoted to Saya, and Saya alone," Haji said. "I have always been there to protect her."_

_"You forget, Haji-nii-san; I am the stronger of the two of us. If anyone is to protect Saya, it is I," Solomon said. Haji jerked forward._

_"Haji!" Saya said. She grabbed Haji's arm._

_"He cannot even fully transform." Solomon turned, disgusted. "He may look dashing with his wings and his claws, but in terms of power he is sorely lacking. Believe me, Saya," Solomon said. Haji glared. "He would only get in the way."_

_"You're jealous," Saya said. "And you should be: Haji is twice the chevalier you'll ever be."_

_"I see." Solomon smiled. "It is only natural you would feel hatred toward me. However," he said, and he leaned close, the tips of his fingers grazing her face. _

_"Like it or not, I will be here waiting for you. As will he," Solomon said._

"I do not trust him," Haji said.

Saya turned. Haji had stepped behind her, his reflection overtaking hers. "He betrayed his queen, the one person he was sworn to protect. Who is to say if he'll remain loyal to you?"

"He loves me," Saya said. Haji shook his head.

"He does not know you, Saya." Haji's voice was low. "I have traveled the centuries with you, always by your side. All he has had was one dance. One kiss. However," Haji said, and she could see his bandaged hand tighten into a fist. "If you desire to be with him, I cannot stop you."

Saya stared at her hands. Her hands were rough, calloused from holding her sword.

"And what is it that you want?" Saya said. "Haji?" Her eyes flicked upward, meeting his.

"I want what you want," Haji said. "Your wish is my own."

xXx

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3.

She remembered the first night she found him: he was sitting alone, streetlights bleeding through the closed slats in the blinds. He had said nothing as she knelt beside him, cupping his hand and letting her forehead fall against his cheek.

The need to comfort him-it wasn't love she had felt then. Mao once said that pity was a powerful aphrodisiac. Saya wondered if this indeed were true.

"You should use me," Solomon said. His voice was low, his hot breath fanning the nape of her neck as he spoke. "Your precious Haji would never touch you the way I touch you. And I know you like it. Saya."

Saya shivered. Solomon kissed her slowly, lips pressed reverently against the crown of her hair.

What were these sensations? Saya's eyes closed as Solomon's fingers brushed against the curve of her neck, the delicate line of her collarbone. Haji would never touch her like this. Haji would never dare.

"Love me with your body, Saya," Solomon said. Murmured close, voice dripping honey in her eyes. "Love me even as you swear you don't."

xXx

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They stumbled into the bedroom, Solomon's knee between her legs, her blouse thrown against the floor.

Julia called it instinct. "Of course you would want to mate with him," Julia had said. "It is an evolutionary imperative. You are his bride," she said, and the refrain played again in her mind. Haji would never do this; his hands would never dig into the flesh of her thighs, his hot mouth would never skate across her flushed skin. He entered her with one harsh thrust, the sound of their panting breaths and the wet, slapping sounds of flesh against flesh filling the room.

_"Is it really fair?" Kai had asked her, once. They were sitting in the kitchen, Kai making a pot of coffee while Saya sat at the table, staring at her hands. "Saya, no matter what he says, he really loves you. Are you sure you're alright using him like that?"_

_"Using him?" Saya looked up. Kai was looking at her, a question in his eyes_.

They grappled, sheets tangling around Saya's legs and ankles as Solomon pushed her against the mattress; it felt good, that tight, sweet feel of him sliding inside her. Saya's face flushed; she strained against him, lifting herself to suck on the triangle of his neck, the straining strap muscles just above his collarbone. He tasted like salt and sweat and something deeper, blood hunger rising inside her.

"I love you," Solomon said. He was panting, softly. "I love you, I love you."

"Haji," Saya said. She thrust her face against Solomon's neck. "Haji, Haji."

Her eyes widened; she felt Solomon spill inside her.

xXx

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4.

She watched him as he dressed, barefoot and tightening the belt around his pants. His shirt was still unbuttoned. She couldn't see his eyes.

"Solomon," Saya said. She rose and gripped him by the arm. "Solomon."

He resisted, but she managed to pull him close, pressing against his back. His body was stiff and his muscles were tense , but Saya could feel him gradually begin to relax under her arms.

"I am only in the way, aren't I?" Solomon said. Saya pressed her face against his shoulderblades, squeezing him tighter.

"I'm sorry," Saya said. Solomon shook his head dully, once, twice, before turning and folding Saya up into his arms.

"I thought I could love enough for the both of us," Solomon said. "But it is too hard. I cannot share you, Saya."

"Solomon," Saya said. Solomon moved, then quietly picked up the knife on Saya's dresser.

"There is only one way," Solomon said. He folded Saya's hands over the hilt of the knife, covering them with his own.

"Please," Solomon said. He traced the pulse on Saya's wrist, then closed his fingers over her hand. "I cannot live without you."

Saya took the knife. A tear dripped; she wiped it away.

"I love you both," Saya said. "Why can't I be with you both?"

The knife fell; she hunched over herself, fist against her eye and starting to cry.

xXx

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Sunlight. It was the first thing Saya was aware of, blinking her eyes and shifting against the sheets in the bed. She felt warm and safe and she blinked again, moving slightly before she realized Haji was sitting beside her; she had fallen asleep against Haji's chest. She swallowed, then buried her face against his shoulder.

"How long?" Saya asked, and Haji moved, shifting her weight.

"You cried yourself to sleep," Haji said. He moved his hand, brushed a tear back from her eye. "You know I do not like seeing you in pain."

Saya nodded, rubbing her arms as Haji stood, gently draping a sweater over her shoulder and opening the blinds.

"Where is Solomon?" Saya asked. Haji stood with his back to her, opening the window.

"I do not know," Haji said. "Shall I find him for you?"

"No," Saya said. She stared at the callouses on her hands.

xXx

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5.

She slept. Days stretched into decades as the cobwebs spun and faded; when the tomb broke, she saw Haji and Solomon waiting patiently for her, saying nothing as she opened her eyes.

end.

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><p><strong>AN: compared to Haji, Solomon just seemed way more aggressive (and borderline creepy) compared to Haji, what with the stripping-her-naked and placing her in his bed and all. It just makes sense to me that if he survived, he'd probably do everything he could to get in her pants. Which is not to say I don't think he loved her, but it was probably the wrong way to go about it. **

**Also: in my cracked out head canon, Haji and Saya and Solomon have awesome immortal threeways with Solomon and Haji snarking at each other. lol :D**


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